BT Will Kill Himself or Die Trying

Content Warning: Suicide, Sex

Memento Mori

In my early twenties I had my first major bouts of depression. I would spend months in an exhausted haze while my inner-monologue looped a mixtape of doubt and self-loathing. Although suicidal ideation wasn’t a frequent visitor, my fascination with death remained even when a depressive fog lifted.

Originally, this series was inspired by the ways people attempt to cheat death, weather through regular exercise or hand-washing; but I instead pivoted to the daily vices that kill us over time. The smaller seven deadly paintings explore universal vices where I aimed to evoke further emotion through the psychological and cultural triggers of the color palettes and background textures.

The flagship of the series is a nude self portrait where I have succumbed to my lust, vanity, and other “sins.” The Memento Mori, (“remember that you are mortal”) to me, serves as a reminder that we can still hold on to a scrap of agency and self-determination against such a major force as death. We can’t stop the train, but we can still choose where we want to be tied down on the track.

FAQ: Why in the world would you make a 7ft painting of yourself nude and dead?

A: Mostly because turnabout is fair play. Between the countless nude figure models and nude medical patients I’ve encountered on my journey, I think it’s more than appropriate that I share the same vulnerability that I’ve been so entrusted. Also, I really like the phrase “Naked as we came”; as orgasm is a little death, the final death is the ultimate release. And if y’all haven’t gathered. I like to keep things subversive. xoxo - BT